J-9: Symbol’s Symbolizing Me

There’s something honest about falling into a trance right before falling into deep sleep that I’m trying to figure out. My body tired, my eyes closed, but my mind working as if I was awake, gluing me into my mattress with all control lost. Maybe still in this made up world I’m chasing ghosts and still in this dreaming life I casted myself a ghost, too. A world that my voice hides and my emotions can’t be controlled. It’s reoccurring and it’s the only thing that’s constant, yet I am having trouble verbalizing it. I know myself enough to know that I live with a fear of it. That if it leaves my mouth, I can’t have it back. That if I talk it, it’s never mine again. That if I give it, a piece of me becomes someone else’s piece. And when it became part of someone else in the past, it was always set the side until the sand in the hourglass is emptied out. They say that time kills it off, so why does it stay in me when really I want to give it and stay put? Now, it’s pitted at the end of my throat, like a lump you feel when cold and shivering for some warmth. I feel nauseous, cloudy, silent, and deprived of this truthfulness and myself. I never been so well veiled, out of sight, secreted, or unknown to the world and this is my only chance to open a mouth that’s afraid of noise. So I take it for what it stands for and you’ll have all of me if that’s what you want. All the while, I say it with love.


About inkforthought

i just like to create, share, love, and laugh.
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