L-9: On Returns

It feels like forever since I leaked on this page but I felt like it was needed or was warranted for me to speak on a higher truth. The honest reason I find myself here, again, is because I had some people urge me do this again, but more so, I had a heavy month in December and now I want to let it rain out a little. Yesterday, like any holiday, I took time to visit my grandfather at the cemetery where my graduation still hangs and reads, “para ti, Abo.” I still live with this notion that every moment and choice I make, I do with him there hoping I am pleasing him. Like any human being, I am prone to make mistakes and fall short of things. Last month, was hard at times. My mom suffered two minor strokes and I saw myself bottling it up rather than speaking up. If you know me well enough, you know that keeping my thoughts in was never me. This thing we call life and try to live everyday never seemed this delicate before to me then it did in December and not because I feared losing my mom (because I knew things would work) but I realized that I could be a better son, a better friend, a better sibling, a better lover, and a better person. I am not afraid to make the mistakes I will make, I am just afraid to how I will correct these mistakes. However, I started to think about my grandfather’s fight and how he stayed alive for another eight months for the people around him and then I saw his fight in my mom last month. Somewhere I got weak and naïve. At one point, I lost my eagerness to care fully and love properly. I don’t write this with the intentions of saying I am sorry. I am typing this saying, “I will fix myself.” I will correct my wrongs over and over because the blood that made me didn’t boil over years so I can let it settle.


About inkforthought

i just like to create, share, love, and laugh.
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